There have been times during my journey when life’s circumstances indicate things just aren’t working. The boss says business is down so wages must decrease. My kids struggle with health issues. Coincidentally I walk into a dark night of the soul in theological terms. Them my cardiologist tells me what I’m doing isn’t working so it may be necessary to try an experimental medicine that it’s incredibly expensive and the results are still not proven. Meanwhile my tired old body decides the CMT I have is coming out of remission for another round. Simultaneously my osteoarthritis has taken my hands for a while… some new adventures in pain. If I was daring, or foolish, I’d ask “what’s next?”
Of course if I try to come out of myself and take a look around me the first thing that I see is the larger picture, and that others beside me are facing challenges too. I’m having my own pity party when others need me to focus on them. Indeed if I can invoke some laser-like focus on helping others in need and somehow vicariously work through their trouble, everything in me looks different.
No, my troubles don’t disappear nor does my health miraculously improve… My checkbook doesn’t have magic deposits that overcome my financial shortfalls… And God doesn’t magically reward me with unexpected presents or visions … It’s not like that. And an unfortunate side effect I still haven’t mastered is that even when I’m distracted from my situation with this approach, the underlying pain, fear, and anger in me doesn’t go away… it still growls and bites. I can be most unkind in these situations even when I’m preoccupied with duty or distraction.
All the while my beautiful wife softly says “It will be okay.” And my faith assures me not only that there is a God, but the He’s running the show and knows completely what He’s doing. Nevertheless in my brain it is all irreconcilable at times. It makes for a bumpy ride… and it leaves a really long list of personality defects and shortcomings in me that need work.
A surgery was the only option generic levitra sale http://pamelaannschoolofdance.com/studio-event-informaition/ earlier. The medication should not be female viagra in india taken by individuals taking other medication or have heart or liver or kidney problem. In 10% of cholecystectomies performed, patients have chronic viagra generic for sale http://pamelaannschoolofdance.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Winterfest-Parade-Ending-Map.pdf diarrhea. It refers levitra pill to increased pressure on the pulmonary hemodynamics.
Unfortunately my knee-jerk natural reaction is to grumble and get a bad attitude… even when intellectually I know that is completely the wrong way to go. And I leave a trail of bodies and damage that only creates more of a mess I have to clean up. And so it goes. Discourse, confusion, depression, fear, anger, pain, distraction, duty, work, … whoa. “all fall down”.
But He says to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Cor 12:9.
I’m waiting… (Easter’s Coming) (hurry up) (and so it goes)