47 years ago, on January 30th, I was married in the front room of a rural home in California. I married Sharlene Fuller. We were 18. As a matter of fact, she had graduated mid-term from high school and I finished out the last half of my senior year in high school taking the one class I needed to have all my credits. I was working full-time.
Sharlene had been very ill during the two years before our 37th anniversary. We were never very good at buying presents and making big celebrations for anniversaries or birthdays. But I clearly remember her asking me what I wanted for our 37th wedding anniversary. I said I wanted our 38th anniversary.
Three months later she passed away. We didn’t get the 38th. Sharlene mothered two fantastic children, David and Christina, who are now adults. Sharlene was 55 when she died. That was almost 10 years ago.
A year after Sharlene died my workplace decided that I was being “transitioned out”. That was my first time unemployed since I was 13 years old. Strange feeling. But it was nothing compared to the extreme grief I was experiencing at the time. It took a couple weeks to find another job, and it was on the other coast near Washington DC where I live today. I enjoyed two months off work packing, moving, and setting up my new place in Virginia. My little Pomeranian “Buddy” was my co-pilot as I spent a week driving across country. He never seemed to tire of me talking to him. Sharlene had picked him out about a year before she died.
If you have any psychological order 50mg viagra issues such as stress, depression and relationship issue. lowest prices for sildenafil Do your own research and again, ask your doctor. I find this news very hard to survive generic cialis professional cute-n-tiny.com without cell phones. Teach your husband to generic viagra usa deal with it. David and Tina carried me through the grieving process. They and my grandchildren saved my life. I was caught somewhere between living and dying for the first year after Sharlene died. But it was during that year that I made the most important decision for my remaining years: to get up and live, and to live forward. Indeed I have been, and am, living forward. And what a journey!
Still I miss Sharlene. And there are times, like now, when she’s all around. Memories flood in from everywhere. It’s like standing at a point in the middle of a huge universe with visions flying to me from every angle around, complete in color with surround sound. It is overwhelming at times, but I’m grateful I still remember so clearly. I enjoy the good memories and set aside the bad, as best I can. And I steady myself knowing from past episodes that this will pass. Love endures. Sharlene, I miss you.
Here in this moment I have my best friend and wife Farima. She gave me a card some months ago that says “I know every year at this time you have difficulty.” I set it out now and then to regain my focus. Farima makes certain I am embraced in her love. We were married 6 years ago here in Virginia. Her 5 children have become my own since our marriage. I am supposed to call them “step” children, but after a while I love them like my own. Two of them are adults now, out on their own. And the other 3 are teenagers… typical teenagers…. keeping me young. Ha.
One week after Sharlene and I were married is my birthday. This year it’s my 65th birthday. I guess that’s a big one like my 30th was. Not sure yet. Time will tell. But if experience holds up this kaleidoscope of memories will fade and quiet. And I will still be standing with Farima. I am so thankful to have a new partner that is not threatened or troubled by the love I have for Sharlene. In a wonderful way right now that is all part of the kaleidoscope. I am sure some think I am insane. But, it’s gonna be okay…